Monday, November 19, 2007

Seven weeks ago...

I stopped taking that oh-so-important little pill after extensive talks with my doctor and numerous blood tests. We were given the green light. Of course, we didn't really think we'd get pregnant immediately (though we thought it'd be funny--we only just got married the month before). So we went on a weekend trip to a wedding, having a great time, when I started feeling like I had the worst PMS ever, plus a little spike in blood sugars that usually accompanies this time. I'd been on the pill for 5 years; I didn't even really know how I was supposed to feel, so I wrote it off and resigned myself to feeling miserable. Days after we got home, I began to feel suspicious, so I peed on the stick. Lo and beyold, it was positive. I still didn't believe it. I mean, I had THREE bridal showers. Who the heck would want to throw me a baby shower now?! My husband and I were hopeful, but still incredulous. So, I waited a few days, and yep, still positive. Then I went to my doctor where he did an early ultrasound...definitely pregnant. Incredible! While we're incredibly excited, now I think back and get scared. What about when my blood sugars went up a few weeks ago? What about when they went up yesterday because I miscalculated how many carbs are in a piece of cornbread? What about how they're going to go up because I'm so stressed that they might go up?? lol Yikes! So I tell myself to relax. As long as I'm doing my best to be careful, everything will be just fine. No one is perfect. But we're not just talking about larger babies as a consequence (which doesn't sound particularly fun either), we're talking major problems. I start reading about the critical development stages and how high blood sugars can effect spinal and neurological development. That's great, I understand, but that's not actually helpful. They never say how high, or how being high over time is more of an issue. Yes, I can ask my doctor next time I see him, but I can't find the answers as they come to me on my trustee computer or local bookstore. Sometimes all you can do is vent it out and wait and see.

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