Saturday, January 16, 2010

starting all over...

I haven't blogged in so long, I can't even catch up, so I'm just sort of starting over. My blog no longer has anything to do with diabetes really, so I should probably change that. But it could have everything to do with sensory integration disorder and feeding disfunction.
After all my posts about miserable nights, worry, stress, disliking daily life, etc, we did finally figure out what was wrong with James. It actually didn't change much of our daily life, but it does feel better to just know what was wrong and that is is fixable. It has been 19 months since I have 'slept through the night' --- whatever that is. But at least I now feel like my son is going to survive and I might just survive as well. Good news, also, is that he's the cutest, funniest little dude you've ever met, so I've decided to keep him!

Sunday, June 14, 2009


:) Sounds dramatic. But I've been having a really tough time lately, so excuse the drama. I'm entitled. I've tried to explain on here and to other people about what a tough time I have with James, but it's impossible. I actually just end up sounding overly dramatic (which I haven't been since I was 15--though, admittedly, I was really bad then). Most people just nod their heads and say, 'yeah, my kid went through that stage-blah blah blah.' And I'm sure they did, and it sucked...for a few days. For me, that stage has lasted, in varying degrees, for a year (well, a year in one week anyway). Honestly, you just can't imagine what that does to you. I truly do not remember what it is like to sleep through the night (and I don't mean getting up to pee). And no, the stupid 'ten minute rule' doesn't work, letting him cry doesn't work, any advice someone might have out there does not work, but thanks anyway (enter sarcasm here). Advice makes me moody, and that's not fair. It's not fair for me to meet a new mom, because I'm not sympathetic. And in my head, I know how tired they are and how hard it is, but I'm just not in a position right now to do anything but raise an eyebrow, and I do it well.
I hit a particularly low point last weekend where at a very fun BBQ, I burst into tears. lol Don't worry, I was laughing at the same time. Why did I cry? Because I actually was talking to someone who said all the right things--things I didn't even know were right. She understood. In fact, she understood more than I could. She had been through so much worse, but understood the survival mode I have been in, the criticism I've endured, the craziness (literal---ask anyone who's been through prison torture--lack of sleep and crying babies). I hadn't gotten more than 2 hours of sleep (and that was good) at one time in months (I have no idea how long--it's all muddled together). I have good days and bad. The bad are pretty awful. I live in the middle of nowhere with no family within a 24 hour drive. But enough of the pity party. When James is awake and playing, he is the most wonderful, happy, fun child ever, which does help. What helps even more is that through my new best friend, I have an appointment with the OT that saved her life and her child's (and her poor husband's). So fingers crossed, prayers repeated, heels clicked together. Hopefully I have some happier posts in my future!

Friday, May 22, 2009

An actual post about Diabetes--

All my posts since having James have been more about just having a baby, especially a baby with some health issues. Most of that is no different if you have diabetes or not, but I had no idea how hard it is to take care of my diabetes while dealing with all the issues of James. Now, just having a fairly textbook child makes you tired and you find yourself eating Saltine crackers for breakfast and lunch if you eat at all. But waking up 3 times a night (at least) for the past 11 months and spending every waking moment planning the daily feeding schedule around 'happy times' and medicines that require all sorts of timing and dealing with the crying surrounding administering oral meds and the horrible crying of having to try to convince James to eat when he doesn't want to, cleaning up vomit when he gags on medicine or peas, sigh, and the past 1/2 hour's work comes flying back at me and I have to try to do it all over again. Now, I know lots of people's kids gag and vomit on medicine or foods they don't like, and they have times they don't want to eat, but the stress of each bite and ounce being so critical with this child is very wearing and, at times, disheartening. So---bad enough for a regular person, but on top of all this (and believe me, I can't even explain what it's REALLY like), I actually really have to take care of myself. For any mom who has (and you all have!) forgotten breakfast and lunch or microwaves coffee 3 times and STILL forgets it in the microwave til the evening, it is remarkably hard to make sure I not only check my blood sugars, but can actually process in my mind what those numbers mean and what to do with them. And when my doctor wants me to take a 3am blood sugar...well, I'd honestly rather poke myself in the eye than get up at 3am when I just went back to bed at 1am and will be up again at 5. Pregnancy made me so much healthier as a diabetic, and probably saved my life, but raising this kid may just be the death of me! ;)

Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Time change

I used to love daylight savings. More light, happier, prettier, etc. Now...I'm not so sure. I mean, sunrises are pretty and all, but maybe not every day. Even less pretty when you miss them entirely cause you've already been up for an hour and your day is already well underway...

Interesting side effects....

There's all sorts of gross and weird stuff that happens when you're pregnant, give birth, and really from then on out. Everybody talks about pooping on the delivery table and worries about it. I didn't worry, I just figured it was gonna happen (BUT...yay c-section!...sort of). In fact, I have now heard HILARIOUS poop stories from many moms (and poop stories ARE my favorite). My favorites involve one who thought she was delivering her baby, but wasn't, and one who scared a nurse to death when her monitor was showing 'contractions'. lol I love how everyone now feels comfortable sharing these stories now, as long as it's not at the dinner table (well okay, at the table is fine, as long as dinner is done--I don't want to choke while laughing).

Less gross, but still something every prospective mom should hear about is hair loss. I had heard over and over that I would shed like a banshee once James was born or after I was done nursing, but it's just hair you didn't shed while pregnant--no big deal. Then I heard from my wonderful hair dresser that her hair fell out so much, she had to make herself 'baby bangs' as it grew in along her hair line. Surely this wouldn't happen to me.....crap. I started to notice a little fringe, and now I look like I shaved a very small line around my face for some reason, and now it's growing back. I even had sideburns for a while! Lord, do I not feel unattractive enough? Why is this necessary? At least I have a hairdresser who knows just how to fix me when the time comes, but until then, even my ponytails ain't lookin' so hot, and THAT is a major bummer.

Back to grossness, I usually think of myself as a fairly clean person. I hate a dirty house and play constant catchup with my 3 dogs. I have no carpet anywhere in the house because I hate how dirty it gets. I sweep and swiffer daily. Despite all that, my house is actually pretty dirty all the time. However, there isn't usually poop anywhere but the diaper genie. But James was in his walker playing in the afternoon while I washed 3 bottles. In that time, I turned around to a kid covered in poo. Sitting in the walker evidently squeezed poo out the side of his diaper, which he then thought would be great fun to play in. So I lift him out, clean him up, and decided to have some naked play time on a towel before his bath. He's started to be mobile (at least backwards), so in no time at all, he was off the towel sort of slithering on his tummy. When I picked him up, he was all wet from peeing on the floor. lol Not as bad as dog pee, but my dogs haven't peed inside in a while (Dimple is finally potty trained--turns out spaying did the trick!). So we clean up again, and while he's in his bathtub, I roll his walker out of the way. And what to my wondering eyes should appear?? doodie!! Yes, there was poop on my floor that had been there for about an hour. EEWW! I promptly took a picture with my phone and sent it to Tom. He replied "who's?". Mind you, only James and I were home at this

Sunday, February 8, 2009

Secret Life of the Stay at Home Mom

Every type of mom have their own unique difficulties. A stay at hom mom can't quite understand the trials of the working mom, and the working mom can't quite understand the stay at home mom. Neither one works harder or has it easier than the other. I do think that the stay at home mom is frequently misunderstood. Yes, we are 'lucky' to stay at home and to do what we love and what we choose. But the same could be said for anyone's job. It's all a choice. I am a stay at home mom, so this is what I can talk about. I don't want any arguments.
There are some dirty little secrets that stay at home moms don't tend to talk about. We do our job 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. The same thing. Every day. And just like any office job, there are times of boredom (no one tells you this, unless you have a good sister, like I do). Now, there is precious little quiet time, so that's not where the boredom comes from. It comes because you've read the same book 257 times, played with the same toys 489 times, and watching your baby bang a spoon on a tupperware was really cute the first 172 times you saw it. No one likes to talk about these times, because the stay at home mom is so lucky to stay at home and play with her kids, she should be happy and loving every moment. But sometimes you need to refresh a little. You have to find new ways to be creative during playtime not only to enrich your kid, but to preserve your sanity. (And don't even try to multi-task on your kid. I don't know how they know, but they know!) If your baby wakes up early from the afternoon nap, not only are you going to have a cranky baby by bedtime, but your afternoon is ridiculously long because you have to think of things to do. Every day. The same thing. lol And any time I talk about this, I feel like I have to apologize for feeling this way. But most people with office jobs have the same complaints about their jobs, it's just more acceptable to talk about it and to feel that way.

Another issue with being completely immersed in your kids every day is that you have precious little else to talk about. I never wanted to be that girl that could only talk about their kids, just like I never wanted to be the girl that could only talk about horses, but shoot, James and I spend a lot of time together, every day. :)~ But I was that girl at a party at our house last night. sigh Not only do I not have much else to draw from, I'm so excited to talk to grown ups, I'll say anything! It's embarrassing, and a little funny. Luckily I have very good natured friends.

And the littlest things make the life of the stay at home mom way too exciting. It took me a solid week to prepare for the aforementioned party. My husband had the fantastic idea of making the party all do it ahead appetizers. Perfect. Everyone brought something, and I made 4 dishes, all ahead of time. Which was a good thing, because between cleaning the house, preparing all the food, and just setting up, it took every bit of nap times and several playtimes throughout the week to get it all done, just so I could enjoy one evening without having to do much. And it was fun, the food was great, the company was the best; I even had time to do my hair. And I'm so glad it's over!! But I would do it again, it was the perfect way to have people over. Never again will I cook dinner for a group, at least, not for a long time. Unfortunately I should probably clean the floors again....naaah, he's not even crawling yet! ;)

Saturday, January 31, 2009


I really tried to get James into a "lovie". If you can't figure that out, it's whatever soothes the baby, helps them to sleep, whatever. I have a bajillion of those little blankies with heads (should try to find a bear! lol); my favorite is this little giraffe. It has sleepy eyes, so cute. I've put it in his car seat and swing, fed him with it. He just never got particularly attached to anything, which is fine, but I did think it would be nice for him to have something special. Last night while I was putting him to sleep, it hit me. I am his "lovie"! He was cradled like he was nursing, with one hand high on my chest, just fiddle-faddling (as Tom calls it) with my necklace (my push present) and running his fingers over my skin. When he fusses in his crib or swing, I can just put a hand in there and he'll hold my finger and drift off. Adorable? yes. A little impracticle? probably, but how can you not love that! Yeah, he's banking on that only child thing!